Fact #1: Women in Jeddah don’t always wear “good” make-up.

Catfight? Sure, I don’t care and I know the truth hurts.

Now, I said WOMEN and by that, I refer to all women who live in Jeddah, regardless their nationality, background or ethnicity. I address our basic female rights.

The right to go to a make-up store and have a proper demonstration on YOU the client, and expert advice from a professional Make-Up Expert who is not afraid to touch you or does not take your make-up enthusiasm as frigginass flirting!!!

Yes I am pissed off! Pissed off because I had to fine-tune that part of me when it came to getting make-up coloring correct, and believe me I still f**k up!! And wearing the wrong shade is the 8th SIN!!!

Fact # 2: Women in Jeddah are deprived of the necessary guidance required to indulge in ‘make-up heaven’ and enjoy its full blast glory.

The right to get professional tips on shades of foundations which range from light morning coverage to afternoon wear to evening, natural looking glamour.

Fact # 8901: This problem means nothing to men, however the men need to hear this and add it to their to-do lists. Fix our problem ya shabab of the future!

We hunger for the right to learn which product to apply and when for our basic make-up. Our basic make-up includes flawless coverage, skin-care, mascara, eye-shadow, lipstick, lip gloss, eyebrow corrector, and blush.

Fact # 3901: Women are beautiful and even if they are not, there are ways to “become” beautiful.

Lets skip the being modest part, everyone does this and make-up is the simplest and oldest known method of beautifying yourself.

Fact # 8763: Magazines and internet diy articles don’t do jack. You need an Expert that isn’t scared to apply various shades on you. 

Fact # 4988: Jeddah has everything. The brands, the variety, the quality, amazing stores- but no one to demonstrate it on you.

And may a bucket of sand fall on you, if you think ANY of those guys working at Faces or MAC (the make-up store not the techy place) really give a damn about their jobs.

We have the right to avoid lethal outcomes, like the ‘panda-look’, the Edward from Twilight vampire skin tone, an overly tanned Barbie theme happening with the super sun-kissed skin and bright pink lipstick, or the Haute-Couture run-way look for instance. 

We need the right to personally have access to this little, quirky, eccentric, creative make-up artist who knows wtf they’re talking about and who sell cz they want a satisfied customer and because they love their job!

Fact # 8565: Sales reps at major cosmetic stores do it cz they think it’s an easy job and all they need to do is sweet talk well.

Fact # 9022: Yes the sales reps are well- dressed and shower in their testers, but for fuksake, they only want the friggin commission and they don’t care what you friggin buy!

Fact # 7798: Lebanese salesmen will add random items which cost between 90-190 Saudi Riyals, to your little make-up shopping cart “by mistake”. And you, in your innocent shopping frenzy, barely notice these things- hey cut us some slack- color excites us! 

Fact # 6653: A couple of the Syrian sales reps have been shawarma guys back in Homs, I am convinced.

Fact # 5464: Avoid the odd Saudi guy who aslan, hates his job and wants to die and actually says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about and makes you do your own make-up shopping.

Fact # 7231: Egyptian salesmen are fucking annoying cz they jus won’t shut the fuck up already!! And even if you say you don’t speak Arabic, they use all the English they learnt in grade 1! 

Fact # 13,800: This lack of official, certified make-up artists means we make ugly, expensive mistakes- which is why we overspend our darling mans hard earned money.

Fact # 15,549: This is why we women have to go out in groups very often. Our friends are our make-up support teams.

Fact # 16,550: Make-up support teams cause war among friends, and you face the consequences of our venting.

 Disclaimer: God created both men and women beautifully, and we, society set the standard for being”ugly”.

Advertisements

So I picked up on some Jeddah banat ( Jeddah chicks) phrases. I like to refer to these as new, because I find it amusing to come across this Arabic dialect. I believe it is solely Jeddawi.

And also, jus so you know, it’s not because I have chosen to do so, but I have involuntarily spent the last 6 weeks analysing a certain number of banat Jeddah.

When I look at them and hear them, they kinda remind me of Alicia Silverstone in the 90’s in the incredible Clueless.

It’s borderline annoying, needless to say, but rather an interesting behaviour analysis, therefore voila, have I compiled the top 5 words used in phrases that pretty, bright fuschia lipped, trendy-abayed, designer sun-glasses, LV bagged Jeddah banat use.

Note, these are excerpts from their conversations.

Word number 1kat-koot translates to super cute I’m guessing.

Eg. 1. Wow, sha3ree marra kat-koot! ( Wow, my hair looks super cute)

Eg. 2. Min jd, shan6a6k marra kat-koot! ( Seriously your bag is super cute)

Eg. 3. Il ice-cream 7ag McDon marra kat-koot! (McDonalds ice-cream is super cute)

Word number 2Marra translates to very much so.

Eg. 1. Ya Allah, marra 7ar (Oh God, it’s soo very hot)

Eg. 2. Do you like Angelina Jolie? MARRA MARRA MARRA (Very much so)

Eg. 3. Marra ma a7eb il foundation 7agek! (I so very much don’t like your foundation)

Word number 36afshana translates to I’m bored (mainly, also has various forms)

Eg. 1. Ya Allah, marra 6afshana! (Oh God, I’m so very bored)

Eg. 2. Mn jd, had al rouge yeejeeb il 6afash (Seriously this lipstick is depressing/ not nice) I figure..

Eg. 3. Aysh fee? Ma adree, 6afshana! (What’s wrong? Idk, I’m bored!)

Word number 4Galooda translates to Copycat

Eg. 1. Lay intee keda galooda? (Why are you being such a copycat?)

Eg. 2. Galooda! (You copycat!)

Eg. 3. Galooda- ana awal wa7day fel BB sawayt keda! ( Copycat, I was the first one to do that on BB!)

Word number 5Baby fish translates to Tuna

Eg. 1. Kul morning ashtaree nos baby fish kroo-wah-son. (Every morning I buy half a tuna croissant)

Eg. 2. Momken wa7ed baby fish salata? (May I have one tuna salad please?)

Eg. 3. Ra7 a5oye al kabeer (il actor) wa jablee baby fish min Dubai. (My older brother, the actor got me tuna from Dubai)

Basically, use one of these phrases and you’re pretty much equipped to handle Jeddah’s banat.

Eid Mubarak everyone!

Looks like Haj is running smooth this year and I heard on the news this mornin how there weren’t that many diseases in the air hamdila. Not to mention floodings, and the new 2 billion dollar, 12 trains in Makkah seem to be just peachy dandy so far…

So we’re off and since I’m in Jeddah, I get to do a lot of local catching up which includes watching TV and catching up with the Middle Easts creative, touching and meaningful marketing. Call me biased, I really don’t care but by Middle Eastern creativity, I refer to those ads on TV that really stimulate something deep in you and which condemn the terrorism that freaks us out. Yes, the same kind the West so easily enjoys blaming Arabs slash Muslims for.

I love all their ads, but the one that’s stuck with me would be this one- Campaign 5

Wait, this is only a small part- there’s plenty other good stuff out there and I’m lovin the creativity AND message being put out by the Middle East- mashala people!

Once again, Eid Mubarak darlings…

So my sister comes home shocked. Apparently in our forever being here, she had only heard about the infamous way people dated here in Jeddah. And she had never technically seen it right before her pretty lil’ eyes.

This is how the conversation pretty much went:

Her: OMG, you’d never believe what I saw today!!

Me: What?

Her: Seriously, it happened right before my eyes!

Me: Ok, what?

Her: You know we hear about all this stuff but I’ve never seen it happen ever ever before! I was totally shocked.

Me: Ok, what happened darlin?

Her: So I was on my way home (this afternoon), this started on Tahlia’s backstreet, there were 3 cars- a Bugatti, a brand new Kia and this cab.

Me: Ok.

Her: This cab had about 4 chicks stuffed in the back seat, each with serious make-up. This one chick in the middle was on the phone. 

Me: How could you see the make-up?

Her: We passed the cab and I saw those girls properly. ( She also noticed that due to her excellent eye for detail, mashala.)

Me: And then?

Her: They were sharking in on the cab. (Sharking; our term referring to the way guys in Jeddah drive their cars and surround women in cars, in attempts to annoy/ harass/ date them and idky else)

Me: Listening.

Her: So the Buggati and Kia were chasing after the cab, and the poor cab driver was doin a fast n the furious, trying his best to escape.

Me: I don’t even know what a Bugatti looks like btw, and they name cars after cities now?

Her: Then they sped up to the cab and the guy that got there was the guy with the Bugatti and that was it! That was the moment that shocked me.

Me: Did they skip the cab and grab the Baguette?

Her: Listennnn!!! They slowed down. The Bugatti drove by the chicks- window to window. The girl rolled her window down, stuck her hand out and gave the guy a piece of paper and they held onto each others hands for like a second or so.

Me: …….

Her: I think the guys here have this unspoken, man-to-man code/street lingo, cz the minute that happened, the Bugatti had obviously “scored”, then the Kia jus turned down the corner and drove off.

Me: thinking *your innocence has been ruined my darlin lil baby sister*

Her: I guess the coolest and fastest car won?

Me: I need to google the Bugatti and Rio.

So…. that, ladies, and gentlemen is how people meet each other here.

%d bloggers like this: