So my sister comes home shocked. Apparently in our forever being here, she had only heard about the infamous way people dated here in Jeddah. And she had never technically seen it right before her pretty lil’ eyes.

This is how the conversation pretty much went:

Her: OMG, you’d never believe what I saw today!!

Me: What?

Her: Seriously, it happened right before my eyes!

Me: Ok, what?

Her: You know we hear about all this stuff but I’ve never seen it happen ever ever before! I was totally shocked.

Me: Ok, what happened darlin?

Her: So I was on my way home (this afternoon), this started on Tahlia’s backstreet, there were 3 cars- a Bugatti, a brand new Kia and this cab.

Me: Ok.

Her: This cab had about 4 chicks stuffed in the back seat, each with serious make-up. This one chick in the middle was on the phone. 

Me: How could you see the make-up?

Her: We passed the cab and I saw those girls properly. ( She also noticed that due to her excellent eye for detail, mashala.)

Me: And then?

Her: They were sharking in on the cab. (Sharking; our term referring to the way guys in Jeddah drive their cars and surround women in cars, in attempts to annoy/ harass/ date them and idky else)

Me: Listening.

Her: So the Buggati and Kia were chasing after the cab, and the poor cab driver was doin a fast n the furious, trying his best to escape.

Me: I don’t even know what a Bugatti looks like btw, and they name cars after cities now?

Her: Then they sped up to the cab and the guy that got there was the guy with the Bugatti and that was it! That was the moment that shocked me.

Me: Did they skip the cab and grab the Baguette?

Her: Listennnn!!! They slowed down. The Bugatti drove by the chicks- window to window. The girl rolled her window down, stuck her hand out and gave the guy a piece of paper and they held onto each others hands for like a second or so.

Me: …….

Her: I think the guys here have this unspoken, man-to-man code/street lingo, cz the minute that happened, the Bugatti had obviously “scored”, then the Kia jus turned down the corner and drove off.

Me: thinking *your innocence has been ruined my darlin lil baby sister*

Her: I guess the coolest and fastest car won?

Me: I need to google the Bugatti and Rio.

So…. that, ladies, and gentlemen is how people meet each other here.

My Drug Refresher Course.

October 15, 2010

I remember a time when we were taught that drugs were bad.

I still believe in that by the way. And I strongly do. I do also wonder, what’s with them not being so badass anymore? Aren’t todays generations being taught “drugs ruin you”? So yeah, I partied when I was young but wth, that stuff still was NOT as common as it is today!

Drugs, do people even call them that anymore?

Hit a party and everyone’s on something. Wallahi, I feel like a Nun!

Due to my feeling jus slightly insufficient in todays world, I’ve decided to catch up on the happenings in a scene which I clearly am awkward in, just to yaknw, be able to have nice druggie conversations if I ever so happen to be in one of those situations.

Here are some basic things I was happy to educate myself with.

7 categories, all with a sub-category.

1. Hardcore stuff aka Narcotics: This includes megapopular glamour drug heroin as well as morphine, opium and methadone.

2.  Marijuana: To all the Potheads, smoking it is evenmore lethal than tobacco, contrary to popular belief.

3. Stimulants: This includes ecstasy, cocaine, tobacco and speed aka crystal meth. The rave amongst clubbers.

4. Depressants: Alcohol. Need I explain more?

5. Inhalants: Poppers and Nitrous Oxide aka Laughing Gas. 

6. Dissociatives: Ketamine and DXM- not a drug used prior to clubbing. People on these either usually have near death experiences or experience a spiritual feeling. OR it freaks them out.  

7. Psychedelics: Acid, 2 C-B, Magic Mushrooms- stuff that’s got 60’s and 70’s written all over. Ecstasy being the baby Psychedelic.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my convictions remain unaltered- call me ol’school if you will.

Some things never change. Like music, for instance. Hits remain hits and are never forgotten.

And I mean never forgotten.

So, I spent this summer listening to A LOT of Modern Talking. No, I don’t mean an Arab philosophizing, which is a future entry. I’m talkin about the German Europop band. I don’t even know how or why I know they’re German, but I jus do.

I used to be a big fan of theirs when I was like 1, especially their “Brother Louie” megasuperfab hit, so this time around I didn’t mind listening to their tracks over and over. I mean, I still mumble while I sing along, but who cares cz I hear it as shezonlylookytome, so leave it Louie cz I’m her lover.

‘A lotta things in life don’t need to make sense’ I used to think, but things suddenly do make sense with hardly any efforts I realise.

So, I made an observation this year. Modern Talking, Communism, Marxist beards, the Berlin Wall and Albania go hand in hand.

Maybe Brother Louie was code for some revolutionist tryin to break down the wall? How about their “You can win if you want”? Who was that one directed to?? “Atlantis is calling- SOS for love”?

If those weren’t clear signals to the world sugarcoated with album names like Ready for Romance when in reality they meant Ready for Revolution, I do NOT know what were, darlings. 

So I would like to say hats off, to those who tried to break down the Berlin Wall. Make not light of my delightful observations darlings, Modern Talking were a rebellious duo. They were all over the charts starting from 1984- 1987. And when did that daggone Berlin Wall fall?? 1989.

I rest my case.

p.s. Style has always been a major influence on the outcome of revolutions. I am impressed darlings.

Ok, so I’m polite- well, most of the time.

This is the lesson I learnt today. Being polite bites you in the ass. If you want my advice, you should be more assertive and when you want that glass of water, ask the maid to bring it for you. DO NOT for a second think asking her would tire her from her already busy day. It’s her job, she gets paid for working- as we all do.

I always have these stupid soft spots *rolling my eyes*.

So I was at my elderly Aunt and Uncles for lunch, and at some point thirsty. What did I do? Instead of calling out for the sweet lady with the pretty, nerdy yet trendy pair of black, Buddy Holly glasses. I decided to go into the kitchen and help myself.

I grabbed what I assumed was a washed glass, and filled it up with water and drank it.

2 seconds later, the maid walks in and says something like “Madame ohh why you drink, you take glass from here Madame” I smiled at her and thought my batting eyelashes would convey my sincerely strong message of “no darlin, you have already worked so much, I appreciate your efforts and God bless you and your family” till she said ” Madame, this glass for Uncles teeth”.

That did it and I wish there were some way I could clean my mouth out with chlorine or something…. errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

Yes, I am sure at some point, I too will wear dentures and my grandkids will poke fun of me but that’s then…

So yeah, I apparently was NOT aware of the term ‘wife beater’, except for the obvious ya3ni.

Thanks to technology and excellent sources, I have found out what it means and would like to educate those who are unaware.

Call it ignorance, or lack of exposure but a wife beater is not only a man who beats his wife. They also are the shirts males wear under their clothing as well. Yes, I am referring to the sleeveless white, cotton vest sported by men all around the world technically. The same ones those men wear and beat their wives. Yes, the ones which commonly have stains, and a hole now and then ( so much for class ).

I would also like to insert some visual aid, in order to educate you, and do note that I have chosen the prettiest pictures around which weren’t many; but here goes.

Enjoy your little lesson ladies and beware of men who sport these naughty numbers.

 

You got the picture, eh.

I love my Spanish friends. This is not anti-Spain. This is anti-those who wanted Spain to win.  

My soft spot for Oranje will forever remain. And no I am not over the World Cup as yet.

Holland, I commend you for being excellent players!

And for those of you who think I have a thing for underdogs, including my own traitor sister ( no diamonds for a year ) Here’s a picture of them celebrating, esp for you. And I am NOT a spoilt sport.

It had to be either Germany, Argentina or Holland.

I pray I’m over it by this week. Until the next FIFA. See you in Brazil.

4- 0!!

I think the long-haired were cursed to be honest. Especially since I heard from some very reliable sources that *tsk tsk* someone mocked Brazils loss. I don’t know what kinda voodoo-ism was involved, but the Argentinians shoulda been spitting at themselves or carrying holy water and garlic in their pockets- cz darlings, you got skills too.

 To my darling Germans, may you be protected against the evil eye and may you play as well as can be. Mashala.

Some highlights of yesterdays Argentina vs Germany 2010 fifa match include:

Germany’s Thomas Moeller scored not even 3 minutes into the match!

Klose scored the second. Simple’s always sweet.

Yes, Messi was recovering from a cold. Maradona did not make that up.

 Friedrich scores the third.

Klose making a record of scoring 14 goals this World Cup.

Some things will never change- like how the world loves Maradona.

 Maradona’s a beautiful and talented man. Cocaine or not.

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